kalvingj | Entries tagged with 2026

i hope you have a better life than me.

by Kalvin Johnson

February, 2026

4/1/26 6:22am Zushi, Japan

I'd say things have been better for the most part, it's spring break right now, so I have time to just relax and think on things. Surrounded by so much positivity brings the negative out of me, so that's all that I've been thinking about for the past couple of hours.

I feel as if I've wasted my life up until this point, in pretty much everything. Had the opportunity to do well in school, didn't. Still projected to graduate, but still a waste. Sports. Had the opportunity to enlist in sports as I have some talent. Didn't have the motivation.

But excluding all the external things in my life, it leaves me. Another thing that is not positive. I spend the days alone, just by myself. Granted, I really do like being by myself, but I feel like a weirdo for not engaging with anyone and being closed off. With my mental health being describable as a fucking rollercoaster, it doesn't help me.

With my depersonalization, which I still kind of refuse to be real, I spend the days alone, just not thinking about anything, a blank canvas with millions of possibilities, but I'm not there, I'm not anywhere.

I'm watching frames, but my frames are still, unseen, and so so so distant from me. I'm not suicidal, and it's a topic I don't like discussing, so I'll end that there.

I love you so much, I love everyone and everything. Please do better than what I have. People would say mental health hinders me, but I see it as I hinder myself.

I just hope you have a better life than me. I'm wishing it more than my own.

with love.

kj

girl named susan

by Kalvin Johnson

March 15, 2026

3/15/26 4:43am Zushi, Japan

"I had this girlfriend, I lived in Berkley and she lived on the far side of San Francisco, and her mother came out to live with her from New York. Her mother was really, really, really Catholic. So she could never stay at my house, we had to take her home every night.

It was a long drive, all the way from the hills of Berkley, down to the freeway, and up the bridge and across from the bay into San Francisco. She lived on the far fucking side of the city. Every time I drove her back and forth, I'd let her go. On top of everything else, I had to let her go, I could never stay, she could never stay.

I don't know, one day I just had this, and I get this feeling a lot, I just wrote a bunch of songs about it. Just knew it wasn't going to last much longer. Not that I wasn't in love with her, this was after her mother got the fuck out of town.

But I was thinking a lot about those drives, because I started thinking one day it just was going to be over soon. I don't know, for me sometimes it doesn't matter how good it is, it's just going to be over soon. So I wrote this song, I don't know why I called it what I did cuz I didn't live anywhere near any place named this.

But it's a song about something that matters, and you just know it's going to go. It's just about someone named Susan, I don't know where she is now, but it's called Sullivan Street."

kj

Current Music: Counting Crows - Introduction to Sullivan Street (Live at Town Hall)

some digital art

by Kalvin Johnson

March 15, 2026

3/15/26 2:24am Zushi, Japan

I've been getting into making some digital art lately. I just think it's cool to make things that are impossible to do in real life. Because when I draw, I'm sorta limited by my skills and just the boundaries of coloring and shit like that.

But with digital art, it's like anything is possible and editable. Anyways the entire reason why I'm making this is to show you what I made. I'm not so good, but I like the way it turned out.

btw thats me in the art ripping a fat blunt.

see ya laterrr

kj

Whatever...

by Kalvin Johnson

March 9, 2026

3/9/26 3:41am Zushi, Japan

I'd say things are somewhat better, still not good, but just kinda whatever. I've just been in a whatever mood lately. I've been dealing with a sickness (not mental health related) for around 2-3 weeks. I've missed so much school because I refuse to go lookin like a freak.

Like I got an email saying if I have another unexcused absence, I will have to go to lunch detention. Wow... lunch detention. So fuckin scary.

But it's been horrible, this sickness has been restricting me from breathing fucking properly, and it's so annoying. In combination with how things are going in my head, it doesn't help me. not at all.

It's 3 am, and I can't sleep.

kj

Good Luck

by Kalvin Johnson

February 27, 2026

2/27/26 2:09am Zushi, Japan

Larry's in vegas..with some chick from L.A
the best things are sevens and sex is just ok so please stay
she said just stay

cause there's a show at 11
and the drinks are all free
you can do better for yourself but not me ....
...so please stay and keep me company.

All the while thinking this is the good luck,
stays with her most of the time
takes time to make these machines work,
people are so unkind
Gets kinda nervous
used to be hard.

She takes the edges off evenings
in bedrooms and back seats in big cars.
All the while thinking this is the good luck
stays with her most of the time
it takes time to make these machines work
people are so unkind.
People are so unkind

She looks in the mirror
to make sure she's here
she keeps disappearing and dreaming of movie stars- weddings
and nothing is happening
He tries not to notice
She thinks he doesn't care.
Capture yourself in a jar and you stay there,
until you vanish
thin air

all the while thinking this is the good luck
stays with her most of the time
it takes time to make these machines work
but he aint got time while
she's riding in black cars and pokes at the sky
to see if he can make stars and

people are so unkind
people are so unkind..
People are so unkind..
People are so unkind...
people are so unkind
People are so..
unkind..

i'm so blue

by Kalvin Johnson

February 27, 2026

2/27/26 1:02am Zushi, Japan

So in the past, I've mentioned my mental health, and for the most part, it's been good the past few months, but that was just those months.

I'm at my worst currently, and it's been like this for probably 2-3 weeks now. For example, when I'm with my friends, I'm perfectly fine, but when I'm by myself, I just feel so bad, and I'll never be able to explain it.

I would describe it as blue or grey, I've just been so blue & grey lately, and I don't know why it gets like this. I'm not even mad anymore, I just feel so grey towards it. School doesn't make it easier either.

My grades have been doing better than ever, I have all A's and B's, but me? I've been so down and sad lately.

I want to sleep, just want to.

I just want to go back before I felt like this, because there was a time I never even grasped the concept of getting like this, because it's been so grey.

kj

Current Mood: depressed

girls & zyn

by Kalvin Johnson

February 15, 2026

2/15/26 4:01am Zushi, Japan

A couple of posts ago a mentioned that I was talking to this girl, and it's been going pretty good so far. We've talked on instagram for the most part. We both are into the same sort of things, she likes the same music I do, but there's one thing she loves the most, Zyn.

If you don't know, zyn are basically little nicotine pouches that are place on your gum to make you feel high / buzzed. I like them as well, but they are an absolute bitch to get.

First, there's like only to place near me that even sell them, both of which being around 40 minutes away. I'd say it's worth it, but man it is such a bitch to get them.

Anyways, when I say she's really into them, I mean she's REALLY into them. I was at school and gave them to her, and I swear not even a day later she told me she finished them. Like wow... How the fuck do you finish an entire can of zyn, which is like 15 pouches btw, in an entire day?

Honestly can't blame her, I think like 5 days ago I bought a can for myself and those fuckers lasted me only like three days. They're honestly just too fucking good.

And I'm a person who tries to stretch all of the shit I get because they are so hard to fucking get. But in that particular time they didn't even last me a week.

Anyways that's pretty much it, girls & zyn, a combo that I didn't think that was that popular, but apparently it is.

Not just zyn, she's pretty much into what I do as well.

Pretty much it, see ya.

kj

Current Mood: wow
Current Music: blink-182 - dumpweed

consistency

by Kalvin Johnson

February 15, 2026

2/15/26 3:53am Zushi, Japan

So one of my new years resolution was to be more consistent, especially with this online journal...

Yes, guess I started out like shit

It started out so shit that I had to write this at 3 fuckin am. There's just nothing really to talk about. It's like the 2nd semester and all of the seniors, including me are so fucking burnt out. We are just done at this point.

Imma make one more post of something interesting, just wanted to say how inconsistent I've been so far.

people are so unkind

by Kalvin Johnson

February 3, 2026

2/2/26 9:41pm Zushi, Japan

Have you ever wondered why people can just be so fucking cruel for no reason? I have recently. Let me say first, NO ONE has been unkind to me. What I'm gonna talk about is someone being unkind to someone else.

Anyways, I was on Instagram and saw that this old guy's two dogs are dying. Which is really sad, at that age, if your wife passes away or anything like that, you rely on your dogs. So this guy's dogs were sick, I think one of them was partially blind, doesn't matter.

What happened is he posted a video documenting on how his dogs are very sick, and was asking for some help, and of course, some unemployed virgin has to say something nasty. When I say he said something nasty, he said something that no sane human would say. I don't want to say it, not because of how bad it is, but it would upset me to even write what he said. Fucking piece of shit cocksucker.

The old man posted a video of him crying, saying he just wanted to raise awareness of his dogs and his lamp making business to help pay for it. Yeah bitch, I hope you feel fucking good about yourself, making a nice old man cry for no fucking reason.

People are just so cruel for no reason, and it's multiplied on the internet because people are bitches who think being tough on the internet makes them cool.

It's really kind of ruined my day, because I know people are cruel, but just seeing an old man crying over a comment, especially one that is so rude, really made me sad.

All we need is kindness, and no, I'm not some hippy who thinks we need to be kind ALL the time. There are times when rudeness is the only way to express yourself, but expressing something just to hurt someone's feelings is SO cruel and just so wrong.

Be kind.

kj

Current Mood: sad

what happened to you?

by Kalvin Johnson

January 25, 2026

1/25/26 2:20am Zushi, Japan

I think we've all thought of what will happen to us in the future. In school, they are always asking, "What do you wanna be?" Some cliche shit like that. Everyone usually said shit like being a cop, a firefighter, and other things. But for me, I've never had an answer for that.

I would just say the most bullshit answer because I couldn't even think of one. But that was years ago, and I have a better idea of what I'll do as time goes on.

RIGHT after I graduate, I will take a gap year, get a job, and make some money to pay for college and to buy anything I want to. I plan to buy a powerful computer. During the gap year, I also want to go out with my friends a shit ton because, as you may know, we are all military kids, meaning that we will move away every three years or so. I want to get blackout drunk and high.

After the gap year, I plan to start going to the University of Maryland Global Campus. I'm probably gonna be doing that for like 2-4 years, while trying to keep my job. And yes, I plan to cheat on everything because who honestly gives a fuck?

After college, I will enlist in the military, specifically the U.S. Navy. I wanna join because I'm not really good at anything, and it's free to enlist, so fuck it. I want to get into Public Relations and eventually become a journalist for the U.S. Navy. I would take pictures of what's going on the ships, give comms about ships, write stories, and spread the Navy's message to everyone.

I will do this because I'm stupid and don't know engines, so I will be a journalist. I really like journalism because it's all you, everything you say or do to get the word out is ALL you.

So that's it, I will probably forget I EVER wrote this, but by the slim chance I do read this again in a couple years....

Kalvin, ur a dumbass. You flunked out of school and got arrested for 6 DUIs, truly a disappointment. I'm 18 as of writing this 1/25/26.

So that's pretty much it, that's what's gonna happen to me.

kj

Current Mood: curious

introvert

by Kalvin Johnson

January 20, 2026

1/20/26 11:11pm Zushi, Japan

I have honestly been thinking about everything so far, just thinking about myself, and I know I'm an introvert, but is that bad? I wouldn't say that I'm like a loner because I have a decent amount of friends, but I like being alone.

It's weird because most people want to have a lot of friends, but I would be fine if I had three friends, to be honest. Not saying I want to cut off anyone, but I would be fine with being alone. I like to be less dependent on people, and I like being independent.

But on the other side of it, is there something wrong with me? I don't think so, but I haven't met anyone who is kind of talking about what I'm talking about. But everything is fine.

kj

steelers lose their 1st round playoff game for ten years straight, goodbye Mike Tomlin

by Kalvin Johnson

January 14, 2026

1/14/26 7:54pm Zushi, Japan

So I honestly don't care anymore about the 10th first round playoff loss, I care about Mike Tomlin retiring. Let me tell you something, my ENTIRE life, I've seen Mike Tomlin as the Pittsburgh Steelers' head coach, and when I woke up this morning and saw that he decided to step down as head coach, it nearly ruined my entire day.

Some people may not get it, but for me, it's kind of emotional because Pittsburgh is a part of me, it's my culture, my people, and my home. Seeing Mike Tomlin leave really hit home. I cannot imagine anyone else coaching the Steelers, but I guess I have to now. Mike Tomlin, never had a losing season, super bowl winner, multiple time AFC championship winner, never had a losing season in 19 YEARS.

I really respect this guy, and it REALLY sucks that he's no longer the HC of the Steelers.

Fuck man, what an end to a season

kj

Current Mood: depressed

senior finals 26'

by Kalvin Johnson

January 13, 2026

1/13/26 8:26pm Zushi, Japan

So senior finals for the first semester started like 3 days ago, and these teachers made such a fucking big deal about it, but it's actually SO easy.

And I'm not even the smartest person in the school, but it's actually so easy. The only exams I'm somewhat worried about is Financial Algebra. But it won't be that bad because you can choose which questions you want to answer! The teacher allows you to write questions prior to the exam so you can do them on exam day, but that won't be until tomorrow.

Anyways, that's pretty much it, really fucking boring.

kj

Current Mood: bored

Steelers beat Ravens 26-24 in final game of regular season

by Kalvin Johnson

January 7, 2026

1/7/26 6:49pm Zushi, Japan

So, I'm a Steelers fan since '07 (when I was born), and after the absolute disappointing Cleveland Browns game, which WE should've won to win the entire fucking division, but of course the Steelers find a way to lose it.

Which meant we HAD to beat the Baltimore Ravens to win the division to make it to the playoffs, against a team that is WAY better than the Cleveland Browns. Anyway's it's the fourth quarter, the Steelers NEED a TD to win the game, or else they lose the division, and don't make the playoffs. And they did, Aaron Rodgers passes it to Calvin Austin for the touchdown. They won the game, or so I thought.

Ravens were on offense, and Lamar Jackson passes for like 40 yards or some shit, and it's complete. I thought it was game over, they were at the 20-yard line, ONE field goal, and we lose. The kicker, Tyler Loop is on field, and he kicks it, and guess what... HE FUCKING MISSES.

My heart was beating so fucking fast because this field goal was literally going to decide who wins the division and makes the playoffs. When they missed, everything was relieved, and I could go to sleep peacefully, knowing that we are the AFC North champions. And that we will probably lose the first round to the Texans.

The reason I'm writing about this is because if we win our playoff game, I will literally make the most obnoxious Steelers love post ever.

kj

Current Mood: accomplished

new years 2026

by Kalvin Johnson

January 5, 2026

1/5/26 5:33am Zushi, Japan

Happy new years everybody! I know I'm like 5 days late, but I hope you're doing fine if you're reading this. Anyway, what happened? Well, not that much really. My dad was asleep, my mom was asleep, and I think I was actually the only one awake when it hit New Year's, and I didn't even know it was New Year's until 5 minutes after it hit.

So, what are my goals? I only have two, but the first one is to graduate highschool. I want to graduate so fucking badly because it's such a waste of MY time, and I really dislike it. My last goal would be to get a job. I would've probably gotten a job by now if school wasn't in the way, but right after I graduate, I am getting my broke ass a job.

So yeah, those are my goals. I hope you have ones that are not as cliché and as stereotypically boring as mine.

Happy new years everybody.

kj

Current Mood: awake

Ma Profile

kalvingj

April 2026

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Page Summary

i hope you have a better life than me. - 4/1/26
girl named susan - 3/15/26
some digital art - 3/15/26
Whatever... - 3/9/26
Good Luck - 2/27/26
i'm so blue - 2/27/26
girls & zyn - 2/15/26
consistency - 2/15/26
people are so unkind - 2/2/26
what happened to you? - 1/25/26
introvert - 1/20/26
steelers lose their 1st round playoff game for ten years straight, goodbye Mike Tomlin - 1/14/26
senior finals 26' 1/13/26
Steelers beat Ravens 26-24 in final game of regular season - 1/7/26
new years 2026 - 1/5/26

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Mind of me

journal is about my mothafuckin life duhh. Tranfered from livejournal

Entries tagged with 2026

i hope you have a better life than me. - 4/1/26

girl named susan - 3/15/26

some digital art - 3/15/26

Whatever... - 3/9/26

Good Luck - 2/27/26

i'm so blue - 2/27/26

girls & zyn - 2/15/26

consistency - 2/15/26

people are so unkind - 2/2/26

what happened to you? - 1/25/26

introvert - 1/20/26

steelers lose their 1st round playoff game for ten years straight, goodbye Mike Tomlin - 1/14/26

senior finals 26' 1/13/26

Steelers beat Ravens 26-24 in final game of regular season - 1/7/26

new years 2026 - 1/5/26