kalvingj: Crows (Default)
Palisades Park

by Kalvin Johnson

October 27, 2025

10/27/25 - 5:50pm Zushi, Japan

Palisades Park is a song by the band Counting Crows. I've talked about Counting Crows before but this was a song that I never really gotten into until just recently.

All I have to say is that this song is 110% a masterpiece and it is definitely one of the most best and profound things I've ever listened to. Some people perceive the song differently but I'll tell you how I see it.

I think the song is about two friends, who are spending their early years going through some wild shit, but in a good way. It goes through memories of wild drunken nights, heartbreak, and reflection. The person I think is looking back on his life, and realizing how those moments have shaped them to who they are today.

The song begins with a 1:30 minute intro of beautiful trumpets, which I'd imagine is what being in Palisades Park is like. It encapsulates how it's like to be there. It then picks up, something more cinematic, it contrasts with the slow intro of the song.

Emotionally, it feels like a memory, very slow and vivid. It's not told in a perfectly straight line, but going from memory to memory. There is a very melancholy feeling to it. The person is not bitter about what he has now, but he is kind of haunted by the fact that something so innocent and fun has passed. Those memories that have shaped this person to who he is now, are just memories. he can only remember them, he can't be there anymore and cannot relive them. The park acts as a metaphor for the good times and freedom that they experienced early in their lives. Back when reality wasn't a thing we thought about. Back when time was just a concept, and before heartbreak was a thing they experienced.

Now it's full swing, time has passed so fast but the memories are so far from what we see as the present.

Adam sings about running off, taking chances, and falling in love. It's filled with so much adrenaline and color and it's so fucking well done. Time's passed and now the color is just a reflection, the tone is softer, and now he is alone years later, wondering where what happened to the people that shaped him, wondering where it all went.

It's also about identity and change, how we will all eventually grow apart from the past versions we used to be. There's a sense of sadness, realizing that you can't relive those moments, even if they are so vivid in your head, like your still there but it's just in your head.

By the time he is older, he's alone because the wild memories he once experienced and his drifting life couldn't last forever. I don't thing any lasts forever to be honest. He's chased experiences, chased freedom, and love, but maybe never found a stable place or person to continue making memories that will last a lifetime. In youth, you think a moment will last forever, but you're just a kid. Even grown up, things sometimes just don't last forever.

There is emotional distance that comes with this person reflecting. This person is a watcher of his own memories, replaying them like films. He's older now, quieter, and maybe more wiser, but that innocence and wildness is still there. Back in the ay he was wild with his friends and they were wild with him too. He tries being wild, trying to relive a memory that is fading, but it isn't the same. He is surrounded by people who aren't wild, aren't free and this makes him sad, wondering why life isn't as free as it was before. He's not bitter about it though, just trying to understand how time slipped away so quickly.

It's not being physically lonely, it's about the solitude that comes with living with the big memories, and being left wondering what they meant at that time and whether they meant something or added up to something that would truly last forever.

Those memories still exist, it's just in the past not in the present. He's alone now because that what time is. It strips away the everything and leaves you face to face with not just the memories, but with yourself and the memories you've experienced.

Palisades Park doesn't just try to capture what this is like, it IS what it's like. You can't be young forever, and the loneliness can be so loud when filled with memory.

The song ends with the person, young and innocent in Palisades Park, a place that he associates with happiness and freedom. Then it dissolves into the same person, older, his eyes having a sense of wonder and sorrow, wondering why the place that supposed to be happiness, and freedom is no longer what he remembers. He took a train to Palisades Park just to find out it's not his memories, no one but him remembers what he remembers. He's alone, his friends are not there, he remembers Palisades Park as the memories he's experienced, his friends have moved on with life, but he hasn't, he wants what was before, but it will never be the same. His memories of Palisades Park are in his head, but are not living in the present, it's not real anymore.

If dreams are like movies, then memories are films about ghosts.

kj

kalvingj: Crows (Default)
18

by Kalvin Johnson

October 26, 2025

10/26/25 - 10:15pm Zushi, Japan

Yesterday I turned 18! This is awesome because I now have SO many privilege's.

Yesterday their was a birthday party for my birthday! It was very fun. Most of my friends were there and my mom and dad's friends. Most of the party I was talking to my friends and laughed A LOT. It's honestly one of the best days of my life and if I had the chance to re-live the way I felt during that day, I would 100%

Other than talk with my friends I also got some very awesome gifts, well all of it was the same thing... money.

I don't ask for anything for my birthday, I don't know why but I don't like asking for things, but I got a lot of money from a lot of people in the party. By the end of the party I had around $200!

I used the money to buy Sony XM4's because I love music.

Not a long blog post, but wanted to record this day.

kj
kalvingj: Crows (Default)
life is crazy

by Kalvin Johnson

October 26, 2025

10/26/25 - 10:00pm Zushi, Japan

I haven't written in some time. Honestly don't have any excuses on why I was absent, I just didn't feel like writing any blogs during that period.

Speaking of period, what happened? Well life is completely fucking crazy right now. I think it was around 1 or 2 weeks ago, I was at school smoking. I am always smoking at school, but for some reason my friend wanted me to literally smoke on the same floor as the teachers.

You may be wondering, It's a school building, doesn't every floor usually have a teacher on them? Well... not my school. My school has a separate building for math classes and it is the community building, The second floor is only for students, the rest is for anyone else.

If I'm going to smoke, I'm gonna do it as safely as possible. That's why I go to the third floor. No teachers. No authority figures. No DISRACTIONS.

Y'know the if it ain't broke don't fix it? That's what my friend should've done because he is fucked.

Anyways back to the story. We were stupidly at the second floor smoking and everything seemed completely fine. We smoked and then left without anything indicating that we were caught, until I get a message from him saying he is suspended, and that someone saw us. Luckily he did not mention my name, and I really respect him for that. He eventually called me an told me that someone saw him, and that I need to "LOCK-DOWN".

His father knows me and I think he knows I smokes. If he connects the dots I'm most likely FUCKED. He doesn't know what I look like though, SO UP YOURS OLD MAN LOL XD.

I'm just kidding, I honestly feel horrible for him. Just saying, I've never been caught by the school for any wrong doing. You wanna know why? Because I actually fucking care and take the "safety precautions" before doing anything that would get me in trouble. No disrespect to my friend but man fuck, why did we have to go to the second floor when there are CLEARLY teachers on that floor when we had a place that was cool and safe.

I'm not worried of getting in trouble, like I said before, it's been 1 or 2 weeks since this happened and I've never been called in for questioning or anything like that.

But since the incident I've quit smoking at school. I'm not saying that I will never smoke at school again because I promise I will, but right now is not the best time to do so.

kj

kalvingj: Crows (Default)
eventful day

by Kalvin Johnson

October 16, 2025

10/16/25 - 9:44pm Zushi, Japan

Today was fun as fuck! It was basically a senior skip day because we literally did nothing the entire day. Instead of going to seminar, we went to the gym and had what they called "senior breakfast". I didn't eat anything, but me and my friends just talked and did random shit the entire time.

The next thing we did was tie-dye. I was actually doing it, until I gave my plastic bag to my friend and he threw it away "by accident". I gave up on tie-dye after that. Instead of doing the tie-dye bullshit, we just left and walked to some pull up bars across from the stations. They didn't realize we left. We came back and left.

This is when shit really gets interesting. The next thing for us to do was to go back to the gym and watch this very boring suicide prevention video. Instead of going back to the gym, we decided to try to go to the bowling alley. It was fine, we managed to make it out of the school without getting caught. We entered the bowling alley but it was closed so we went back outside. That's when we saw our fucking assistant principal walk down the sidewalk to our left. He was a couple meters away. We freaked the fuck out, my friends ran, and I tried to go back inside the bowling alley, but the door was locked! My assistant principal was closer, and that when I decided to run and catch up with my friends.

You'd think that be the end of it but it wasn't. We were hiding behind this wooden structure and we waited for like 5 minutes before we left. I decided to go first, and slowly walked out. That's when we see the same fucking assistant principal that just happened to walk towards our direction. He was on his phone so he didn't see us. My two friends ran back behind the wooden structure. But I couldn't because I was already far outside. I walked in the direction of my assistant principal, and as soon as I was out of sight from him, I fucking sprinted all the way to the public bathrooms. I had to be there for like 45 fucking minutes before I went back to school.

After all of that shit we actually went bowling. It was fun, and I am the GOAT at bowling.

But yeah, pretty eventful day. It felt so fucking long but it was fun as hell.

kj
kalvingj: Crows (Crows)
covered in skin

by Kalvin Johnson

October 15, 2025

10/15/25 - 11:11pm Zushi, Japan

That's one of the lines from my favorite bands song "colorblind." The band if you don't know is Counting Crows. I love this band a lot. I feel like most people know this band by their most big hit "Mr. Jones" I don't think it's a bad song, but there is just so much better material they've released. Even on the same album.

August and Everything After released around 1993. Grunge was still king, and out of nowhere this very alternative indie sounding band comes out of nowhere. "August and Everything After" to me has to be one of the best debut records of the 90s. If you still haven't listened to AAEA, please stop reading this and go listen to it. I can't say enough how fucking good this album is.

My favorite song from this album is probably "Sullivan Street" It has a very melancholic feeling, like what has been is just distant to where we are now, and we no longer resemble our past selves.

Any way's, AAEA is an AMAZING album, but it's not my favorite album they've put out. I would probably say that my favorite album was "This Desert Life" but I'll talk about that album another time. See ya.

kj

kalvingj: Crows (Default)
Wednesdays..

by Kalvin Johnson

October 15, 2025

10/15/25 - 3:45pm Zushi, Japan

Today was actually not as bad as I'd expect it to be. I fell asleep at 4am, which is probably the latest I've slept in recent times. I woke up around 6am, I oddly felt energized and continued like normal. The only thing that held me back was I didn't have a smoke before leaving for school. I usually have a couple hits from a nic before school to settle my mind, but today I didn't have any dispos, so that fucking sucked.

School was actually chill. I did what I usually did and went to the bathroom with one of my friends and smoked some shit. It felt good, and I guess that's all what matters in the end. It was funny because this guy's vape was fucking jacked up, tip of the body was missing, the mouth piece missing too. Anyways, I headed to Spanish class, and fucking hell that class fucking sucks. Yeah, the teacher is okay, but she's just a bitch about everything. My friends in that class are really what makes it fun. We just talked so fucking much and it was funny as hell! I didn't get much done to be honest.

The next was ELA 12. First off, most of my friends are in this class, which just makes it the funnest class ever (I DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF "FUNNEST" ISN'T A WORD :P). Anyways, all we did was write some stupid fucking story for the entire class. My story was about some kid named Atticus and how he saved the world. Yeah... you can tell that I'm a real fucking poet...

Lunch was pretty fun. We laughed.

The really good thing about today was math. The teacher is a real bitch about everything, but today we had a substitute. Man... that guy had to be one of the coolest G's I've ever talked to. Didn't care we were doing any of the work, and just was an overall nice guy. All I did during the class was play coolmathgames, that's literally all I did that entire class. I also joked with my friends, but a majority of the class was coolmathgames.com It has math in the title so its fucking appropriate for math class :3

Anyways, I'm tired as fuck and mostly likely will going straight to bed after this is posted.. Later

kj
kalvingj: Crows (Default)
my mind is something...

by Kalvin Johnson

October 15, 2025

10/15/25 - 2:52am Zushi, Japan

I'm honestly not sure what I'm even talking about right now, but just exploring some people blogs from around ten to even twenty years ago, I'm getting a very weird feeling in my chest.

If I had to describe my mood I wouldn't say depressed, but it's a tier below. I reflect on what used to be. Nothing in particular, but what just used to be in any context. For the blog posts I saw which were ten to twenty years ago, they all used to mean something. They probably still mean something to the people they were for, but to me it means nothing. I say this because it's forgotten, no one will remember them, no one thinks about them anymore. It may seem harsh coming from my end, but that's far from how I want it to sound, but it's the only way I can put it.

One of the posts were along the lines of

"I haven't posted in a year, I'm no longer active and the friends I used to talk to, don't talk anymore. I don't really know what happened."

That's gotta be some of the most depressing shit I've read today. It's not fake like some bullshit YouTube comment. This person once used to have something, but now it's just so distant from them, they no longer know what that used to feel like.

Like I was said before this made me feel a certain way. I wouldn't say I feel depressed, but a sense of sorrow for once was. This applies to every single aspect of my life since there's a lot of things that once was for me. It's very sad that things like this happen to all of us. Fuck sake I might not even remember I even wrote this 20 years from now.

but the way my mind is sometimes... it's just crazy that I keep feeling what these people probably felt.

I'd probably keep in mind that nothing ever lasts. Not me, not you, not anything.

kj

kalvingj: Crows (Default)
My first ever blog

by Kalvin Johnson

October 15, 2025

10/15/25 - 1:08am Zushi, Japan

I'm not really sure what compelled me to start writing this.

Well, there is a reason why I'm deciding to do this now out of nowhere. I was cruising on the internet about my favorite band, Counting Crows, and I randomly found an article from the singer of the band, Adam Duritz. I thought it would be nice to document whatever's on my mind when I'm bored so I said to myself "fuck it' and that brings us to where we are now. It's around 1:00am on a school night, and instead of going to bed, I'm wasting my life on this fucking blog. Well... I wouldn't say wasting. I actually quite like writing, it like art. It's a free canvas where you can say whatever the fuck you want and not get in trouble for it. Well almost anything, just don't say you smoke marijuana... or else the Japanese will arrest you and fucking send your ass to prison for life! I love japan, but that's one of the downsides.

Speaking of Counting Crows, did you know that they are the greatest band of all time? Yeah, I said it, but I'll save it for another blog post. Is that what you call it? a blog post? or is it just called a blog? Well, whatever, I don't want to dwell on some vocabulary bullshit. I'm probably gonna finish this episode of "Better Call Saul" and head to bed. I highly doubt that I will remember that I wrote any of this when I wake up, But if I do, I'd really like to write another blog because this was actually fun for me.

Well that's all for now, I hope you enjoyed my shit spelling, and I will see you in the next blog post.

UPDATE -

10/15/25 - 2:25am

I originally wrote this on blogger, but last minute decided to change to live journal due to more extensive customization. But for real, see ya later fuckas!

UPDATE 2 -

10/28/25 - 12:24am

I am now beginning to import most of my journals from LiveJournal to here. Don't worry I will keep using LiveJournal but want two journals and like this website :P

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